Forgive Thyself
by Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare
Summary: Erik comes to see Charles again to convince him to join his ranks when he sees that Charles is in fact in a wheelchair. And he knows that it's his fault. And Charles can't bear to see Erik pain over this, so he does something drastic. .:. Cherik drabble.


**A/N: My sweetie on Tumblr, anivhee, asked for this: "SO. I want something about Erik. But idk... I want something like he coming back home to convince Charles to join him. Like he can't get over him. And then something, whatever you wish, happens between them and then Charles erases his mind for-a-very-stupid-Charles-kind-of-reason and I don't know. Is stupid, I know... but I guess you can do something about it? D:"**

**...It's not quite what they asked for, but it's close and it's what I came up with and I hope it works. XD**

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><p>Charles finds him on the one day Erik forgets to wear his helmet.<p>

Charles plants the seed of an idea into Erik's mind for him to come see the telepath. Erik doesn't resist it when all he thinks of it as a hidden urge, since, truthfully, he does miss Charles and want to see him again and perhaps convince the telepath to see how correct Erik actually is.

So the seed takes root and grows over Erik's mind until it's all he can think about.

He doesn't tell anyone of the Hellfire Club, his new Brotherhood, what he's doing nor where he's going. He simply leaves, and they don't question it, because he is Magneto and he could kill any one of them if he wanted to.

He doesn't wear his helmet when he leaves. He figures it's the best way to announce his presence to his former friend. It has been over a year since they last saw one another, after all.

When he arrives at Charles' mansion, everyone is strangely absent. But he takes this as a good thing, a planned thing by Charles, and he doesn't knock, but instead lets himself right in.

Charles is waiting for him, seated in a wheelchair and smiling softly.

Erik freezes. A wheelchair? A _wheelchair? _Don't tell him he did that, the _bullet _did that, on that day on the beach, over a year ago —

"Hello, Erik. Welcome back," Charles says gently, and he wheels himself forward to meet Erik halfway when Erik suddenly slams the front door behind him and races forward.

Magneto came as Erik, without the odd clothes and helmet, and it pays off, because when he drops to his knees and starts to cry in Charles' lap, he_feels _more like Erik than 'Magneto,' and the cape doesn't weigh him down, and the helmet doesn't block out the blissful reprieve of, _Couldn't forget about me, could you, my friend? But I'm glad, because it's brought us together again. That was my doing, I'm afraid; I gave you the incentive._

"I don't care, Charles; it was sneaky and a bit drastic — utterly unlike you — but that doesn't matter. I'm sorry, Charles; I didn't know this is what I'd done. I will never forgive myself for leaving you to be like _this._" And he quickly dries his tears on his sleeves and lifts his head to find Charles looking at him with a gaze he doesn't deserve, something he never expected to see.

"I thought for a few months that I hated you," Charles whispers, and he brings his hands to cradle the sides of Erik's face about a foot below his own, Erik's hands on his unfeeling kneecaps and his legs bent where he sits on them before Charles. "It took me a long while, but I forgave you, because it wasn't your fault. You hadn't know where that deflection would land, and if it struck me as it had, then it wasn't yours to know, nor your burden to bear. So please, Erik, forgive yourself."

"I can't. I never can," Erik retorts fiercely, gripping Charles' hands with his own, bringing the curled fingers to his lips and brushing them over the knuckles before standing and pressing a kiss to Charles' forehead. "Never, because I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to be by my side, because you will always be my one true equal, and being the one to render you paralyzed like this… it's something I refuse to forgive myself for."

Charles looks up into Charles' eyes, and he slowly shakes his head. "I can't accept that, Erik." And with that, he brings his hands back to Erik's face, slipping them out of the other's, and touches Erik's temples. "You trust me, don't you?"

"You're the only one I trust. I don't even trust myself any longer, Charles, if I'm capable of something like this."

Nodding at his response, Charles murmurs, "Then close your eyes."

Erik obeys, and Charles does the same.

Charles, risking everything, delves into Erik's mind and locates the memories and realization, and just like that, he snaps and breaks them, Erik jerking in his grasp, and then relaxing into a doll-like state. Charles rearranges what he sees and finds.

He makes Erik believe, makes him _falsely remember, _that day at the beach, and these passing moments. In his revision, Charles makes it so Moira never fired her gun. He makes it so Erik thinks he left because Charles told him to, told him that their views differ too much, and he inserts hints of resentment for Erik's better good. He makes Erik think that Charles has polio disease, and that's why he's bound to a wheelchair. He makes Erik forget the accident, the tragedy, the hurt, the fear, and the guilt.

He makes it so that Erik only came here because he wanted to finally be over Charles and establish them as enemies and not friends. This will be easier for Erik to accept; it will be easier for him to handle. Enemies are what Erik deals best with; friends are something he struggles too much for, and Charles doesn't want to be that sort of burden on the person he cares most about.

When he's done, he makes Erik forget to agreeing to this, and as he pulls away and brings Erik out of his trance, wheeling away, he watches as Erik's face changes, hardens, and he scowls.

"You better not be in my head, _Professor X,_" he mocks as he stands up straight. "I don't know what you did with my helmet, but I swear to you this mistake will never happen again. But what's done is done, and now that you know that we cannot be friends, I hope to never see you again but on opposite sides. Farewell."

And he pivots on his heel and turns away. Charles crumples, deflating in his chair as soon as Erik is out of sight.

It's better this way, Erik not remembering, not knowing about that tender moment they shared, nor the real reason for Charles' wheelchair; and it's easier for Erik, in the long run, if he sees Charles as a rival and not a lost friend. It will ease some of the pain.

But little does Charles know, he always leaves fragments behind, even with Moira's memory and Erik's altered one.

Because as Erik goes to bed that night, helmet in place to keep Charles at bay just in case… He's haunted with dreams that makes him wake up sobbing.


End file.
